I just had a total real life experience. And it probably gave me hepatitis.

I decided to take greyhound from Portland to Tucson seeing as how the ticket was practically free. Bad idea. You get what you pay for which means for me I got a bus that broke down in the middle of nowhere California. It was electrical so the lights and hazards didn't work so we sat there hopefully in the safe shoulder of I5 in the pitch black.

Then our replacement bus went the wrong way.

By this time in our 5 hour delay a vagrant teenager had befriended me despite my not talking to him at all his hair smelled like sewage.

Then while tryin to get off the bus I was between a Mexican and a black woman. Mexi realized it was cold outside so she decided not to get off the bus. Black girl got shovey. Words flew. I ducked. Fight ensued! Finally some entertainment around here.

Now I'm in la sitting next to an ugly chick whose going to Hollywood to become an actress. Right.
I want to crawl into a washing machine and soak in bleach for days. And then some dinner.

Did anyone see Jimmy Kimmel on Jay Leno's show last night? It was priceless.

Leno "Have you ever ordered anything offline before?"
Kimmel "Like NBC ordered your show offline?"

then later:

"Jay, all you have in life is cars. Conan and I have families to take care of. Take your $300 million and leave our shows alone!"

WIN!

All these people that say the first year of marriage is the hardest are doing it wrong. In 3 weeks I'll have been married for a year, and it was a piece of cake.

If you're fighting constantly the first year, here's a clue: YOU WEREN'T READY TO GET MARRIED. I am so sick of 19 year olds consoling other 19 year olds that marriage gets easier eventually. No, it won't. If there are issues to begin with, they don't just magically go away. You just get old and accept your crappy life.

Personally, I think we should tax the crap out of marriage and divorce. It should be like $1000 to get a marriage license and twice that to apply for divorce. That way, maybe some of these young ones will think twice before fleeing to the aisle in the hopes it fixes their terrible on/off relationship. It won't. It will just lead to infidelity. Maybe if it was expensive to get married people would think twice about it.

I'm just so glad I am actually happily married. We have our spats, and at times we have our nasty fights, but we always always work things out, and I haven't been stressed out about my relationship once since we got married. Granted, being apart sometimes sucks cuz I get so effing bored and overwhelmed, but at least I don't have to worry about us. It's very nice to have all my problems in life instantly halved, because there is someone else to help me deal with them.

In other news, I have a ticket to go to Tucson to visit Adam the first week of Feb which will conveniently be our anniversary. The downside is I have to work 6 flipping nights in a row, in order to get the following week off. Time to download more movies to my ipod...

I just uploaded a ton of pictures from Xmas.

I am too lazy to reupload them here, but you can go look with a simple click!

A little look-see!

Yeah that's right, my family is filled with good looking people.

What age did you turn this year and how did you spend your birthday?
Twenty something.  Definitely mid-twenty something.  Same as next year.  And the next year, and next, and next.  Definitely. 

I spent it fat and miserable and waiting for labor pains. 

What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Got married, had a baby, took the train across the country, un-quit my job, turned boring.

Did anyone you know give birth? Did anyone you know die?
I gave birth.  That sucked.  My grandma died.  That ruined holidays. 

Tell us about some noteworthy things done by people you know.
Umm.. what?  My friends do thing?  Ha ha.  They are more domesticated than I am.  Okay lets see... Jen traveled a bunch, which is cool, although not particularly noteworthy unless she writes some exaggerated memoirs and goes on Oprah about it.  Adam joined the army, which is kinda noteworthy, and probably shocking to most.  James became a real live person, which is pretty fucking noteworthy, as that's like.. you know.. whoah. 

Do any traveling?
Yeah, to Las Vegas, South Carolina, Florida, New York, Seattle, and day trips around here.  I never leave the country anymore :(

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A house of my own.  And a goddamn padded bank account. 

What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb 5:  I got married.  It wasn't particularly interesting or exciting, I'll just remember it cuz, you know, it happened, and it made me laugh.
April 14:  I had a motherfucking baby sans hospitals and doctors and pain meds.  Unpleasant.  But kinda cool.

The rest of the year was mostly a void.  I spent the first half pregnant and the last half a single mom.  Other than the travel, it wasn't a great year.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I successfully had a baby. 

What was your biggest disappointment or failure?
Ask Cousin.  She's better at keeping track of my silly screw ups than I am.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, pregnancy is one long illness.  Birth is one intense injury.  Those things happened.  A few minor runny noses due to my impaled immune system.  And my gallbladder had to go, so there was that trip to the ER and surgery. 

What was the best thing you bought? Best gift you were given?
iPod touch.  It's sweet.  I was also given a lot of vodka.  I'd question this, except as it was mostly grey goose, I'd like to think it just means people think I'm that classy.  

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Oh, all my friends really.  Adriann and Eric for keeping me sane during my single mother days.  Justin for helping me out when I was poor and homeless in NYC.  Jen for general Awesomeness in NYC.  The wife for helpful mutual favors.  Aunt Di for being there for the birth and to help with James and make me feel a part of a family.  My grandmother for telling me I look fat. 

Whose behavior did not?
Adam at graduation, my family off and on, Brittany's brother for stealing all my shit, and I'm sure my own self at times

Where did most of your money go?
To cover other people.  I think I'm owed close to $5K. 

What did you get overly excited about?
My baby.  Adam coming home for Christmas. 

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier, I was pregnant this time last year.
ii. thinner or fatter? Hard to say.. pound wise, I'm skinnier because I am no longer pregnant.. but I also am not back to pre-baby, so fatter in genearl.
iii. richer or poorer? Probably the same, except with a LOT more income coming in. 

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Save up.  Run. 

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Mope. 

How will you be spending the end of the year?
It IS the end of the year.. Dec 31.  I still have no idea.  But there is champagne in the fridge. 

With whom did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Definitely Adam, once he was finally able to use his phone in Arizona for AIT (Army training stuff). 

Did you fall in love in 2009?
I do not acknowledge that word.  I fell into a relationship, that's for sure. 

Best TV shows and/or website? (passive entertainment)
Well, I watched the most of The Office, Dexter, and various other watch instantly stuff on Netflix.  I like Two and Half Men *cries in shame*  Intervention is always a win. 

Best video game?
Mario for the Wii.  Except I haven't played it. 

What song will always remind you of 2009?
Britney's Circus album.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I gave up on my own clothes and started wearing Adam's. 

What political issue stirred you the most?
the Obama Savior complex.  He's a douchebag just like the last president. 

Whom did you miss?
Lots of people.

Who was the best new person you met?
I guess James.  

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not in a serious sense.

What did you want and get?
A big fat diamoned

What did you want and not get?
A house

A valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
Wrap it before you tap it.  I guess I technically learned that one last year. but it didn't sink in until this one.

Quote to sum up your year.

"I've taken them before."
"Quaaludes?"

 

Also, William Shatner. 

Lady Gaga: Monster. Best song ever?

Probably.

To all those who voted for Obama:

Did you still feel full of unwavering support for your "hope and change" president when he announced he was sending 30,000 more troops to war?  Still think he's going to follow through on his pre-election promises?  People basically seemed to have no reaction at all to his "lets keep this war going!" message.  Even Adam, who is going to be GOING to war, was all "whatever."

Does anybody else feel it is slightly ironic he won a Nobel Peace Prize?  I mean, come on.  If you're going to win a famous prize for peace, maybe you shouldn't be, oh, say, trying to EXTEND A WAR.  Politicians completely disgust me.

I don't really care about the war in Iraq or Afghanistan.  I know I should, since it directly effects me, but the main thing that bothers me about it is how Obama gets away with shipping 30K troops to war, and the country sort of looks the other way, but it was the other way, but it was OUTRAGE when Bush did it. OUTRAGE when Bush did it.

I don't like Bush, and I don't like Obama.  Palin is hysterical and amusing, so I have to like her for that.  McCain is old and dead.  Our VP... god, who IS our VP again? VP... god, who IS our VP again?  Oh yeah.  That bland Biden fellow.  What's he doing, anything?  Probably not.  Politicians are worthless.  Our government is bordering on worthless.  I'd vote it away completely if I could.  It makes me cry, seeing all my rights slipping away.  My god, in some states, it would have been illegal for me to have had James at home like I did.  I can't even imagine being FORCED to go to a hospital.  I wouldn't have done it.  Not because I'm against hospitals, I'm not, I work at one.  I'm just stubborn, and if I decide to have my baby at home, your petty law books aren't going to stop me.  Also, my midwife was awesome.

You know the only person in politics I like?  Stephen Colbert.

You know what I really hate? Girls who complain that they *might* be pregnant. If you think you are, your probably not. If you REALLY think you are its quote simple to check. There is NO reason for you to even bring it up until you know for sure especially if you are stressed about it. If you turn out to not be preggo then you just alarmed others for no reason.

Thank you that is all.

Canada: Obama's America.

I'm glad everyone else is about to pay for my healthcare. I just ate an entire box of cheez it's and the stroke can't be far behind

This weekend was Tori's wedding. It was much nicer than mine. The after party could be summed up in one word: boobs.

The entire weekend contained a lot of booze/drunk. I didn't see my son all weekend, his grandparents kept him. So that was a bit weird, to be away from him for so long. My poor lactating boobs were definitely worse off for it.

Also he woke me up in the 8am hour today, as usual, but Adam woke me up at 6, so I guess I know where to dump the blame of me being tired.

It's so weird my friends are all getting domesticated. Married and babied up and what not. Tori and John have been together forever, but now they're married, and it just seems different somehow. Even though I didn't feel any different after I got married, and I don't think things between us changed at all.

Actually I really enjoy being married, and the more I see other people's relationships, especially military ones, the more I'm pleased with my own.

Today I bit into a small apple, stuck in the fridge for a bit, and then gave it to James for his mouth. He LOVES sucking on the cold apple, it helps his teeth and he always goes for the part I bit into, so he can get some flavor. Best teething toy I've found so far. He cries every time I take his apple away.

Why can't Oregon be outrageously luxurious???

I'm trying to find the fanciest place I can go either on the beach or at the mountain, for when Adam is home, but nothing looks good enough. Sure there are tons of log cabins up on the mountains I can rent, but I want servants included! I demand a maid and a masseuse. And a flat screen TV.

The mountain lodges seem to be catered to the more outdoorsey rugged type. I suppose that makes sense, since it's the freaking mountain and all, but what about those old people who just want to enjoy the pristine beauty or whatever? Surely they don't just shove them into a cabin covered in snow and let them slip and fall walking to dinner? Apparently they do.

The beach isn't proving much better. Cannon beach is probably the nicest around, but we did that last year, and I'd have to find a better place than where we stayed last time. Which was a suite at Tolovana Inn, so it's tricky to find something better.

Why doesn't Oregon have a huge resort somewhere where I can get a huge suite and a king sized bed and marble bathrooms and have in room massages and they'll give me a bottle of champagne when I arrive? Goddamnit economy, I want to fling money shamelessly into you, but you fail to provide.

I'm seriously considering just going to Tahoe for the weekend. At least that place knows how to take my money. Do I really want to spend Adam's vacation in the car that much though? I don't know.

Why don't I live convenient to Colorado? I bet Aspen doesn't treat their guests like Mt. Hood does. I bet their homepages don't showcase children skiing in bunny suits. I know I have a child and all, but I'm not looking for family friendly here. I want to eat off diamond encrusted dishes.

WHY do so many people schedule themselves for induction???

WHY WHY WHY?

I *hated* being pregnant. However much other people disliked pregnancy, I hated more x's infinity. But I would have NEVER allowed myself to be induced. It's not about convenience. If the baby wants to stay in there, the baby can stay in there! It's healthier and overall better for the baby!

I took castor oil, but only after I was 2 weeks overdue, and even then if that didn't work I would have never taken pitocin.

And being induced at 37 weeks?? WHY WHY WHY. THats not even full term! There's not even a medical necessity, they just "want to meet the baby!" ARRGGGGGGGGG. I just hope the pitocin makes the mother's labor 10000times worse than it would normally have been, and she cramps for weeks afterwards. Serves you right.

GOD. I hate some mothers. If you can't even commit to being pregnant for 40-41 weeks, HOW are you supposed to be qualified to raise a child for 18 years??

People suck. This is why I can't be totally anti-war. The less people we have, the less people there are to screw things up.

For those with bored eyes, here are some pictures of James making funny faces after eating his first food: organic pea & potato mush, and also a few of my wedding ring cuz it's pretty.

pics on flickr

Today was an ambitious day. I bought a baby food grinder type thing so I can make my own organic baby food. I'm probably going to be pretty anal about what I feed my baby. Only pure organic wholesome food for him.

I bought him a halloween costume too, a skeleton, because it was on sale for $5. Also because holidays rule.

I just made Adam buy me a diamond ring and now I have it on my finger! By that I mean I went in to the store and used Adam's money to pay off the ring we'd had on layaway since before he left.

But I have to take it back and get it sized. I just wanted to wear it for awhile first, since it's all paid off and MINE!

Also I bought the band today while I was there paying off the ring, but I won't get that for another few months until it's also fully paid off.

Also I love my ring so much. It's soooo sparkly. It will be even more blingy when I have the extra sparkly band to go with it.

This is VASTLY superior to the sparkly gold/yellow car I saw today, which looked like someone had puked up gold glitter.

I took pictures but they don't really do it justice. I'll post them later on anyway.

Now I must go give my ring back so they can size it so it stops falling off my finger. I won't get it back until wednesday. =(

Elvis Prestley - Burning Love = Best Song Ever?

SO CATCHY

Even Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman used that song. Best TV show ever?

We may never know. But I do (hint: the answer is yes)

If I am never heard from again it is because thus:

I really wanted to make perogies today. But then when I went into the kitchen I realized they were still in the plastic grocery bag from 2 days ago.. not in the freezer where they should have been placed.

But I'd already buttered the pan. So I'm eating 2 day at room temperature frozen food. Hopefully it does not give me SARS.

Adam is doing well locked away with the Army.

I am such an Army wife. I don't want Myspace to get ALL the pictures, so here's some.

( army pictures )

Apparently he is a "leader and a demonstrator" (his words) and gets to show all the new privates how to do crap. So that is kind of fun.

He will theoretically be here for 2-3 weeks around Christmas time, although I don't know the dates. I have an idea, but until it is made official I don't want to say.

It is kind of crazy to see how things have changed from 2 years ago at this time. I've grown up a lot.. which is not entirely a good thing. But it's how it is. I'm a mother now. My kid is biting my knees and giggling. Whatever floats his little boat.

Holy crap he's like the cutest kid ever though. Look at him be serious:



Almost as priceless as his teary eyes.

Hello internet besties! It is I, The Great One, having returned from my transcontinental travels!

I shall tell you all about it forthwirth, although after my harrowing journey home I hardly remember much detail in my headspace.

Amtrak is the most absurd and wonderful way to travel ever. Ever ever. Half the train was Amish, which I guess kind of makes sense, but then I started to suspect they weren't real Amish because they drank canned soda and used Kirkland baby wipes. I thought they shunned all technology? Wouldn't that include high fructose corn syrup and commercial baby wipes? But they did look very picturesque still with their bonnets and aprons and knitted clothes.

The other half of the train was filled with creepers and drunks. No joke. I made friends with Randall the Lounge Car attendant quite by accident, because he's a chummy guy, but then later when I went down for more food he was babysitting a drunk woman who wildly grabbed my baby and "mothered" it whilst I ate. Convenient, really, because I was sick of holding him.

Many strange things happened, although nothing too out of the ordinary for my life. I met a crazy lady at the very end who was full of woe from her 16 year old being pregnant and currently living with a 33 year old male who is not the father.

Amtrak is actually really comfy. The cars rock back and forth like a ship at sea and it lulled me into sleep every night by like 9. Outrageous, I know. After 3 days of traveling in the same outfit, I was actually jealous of everyone else continuing on to California (like the Amish). Amtrak DID have a "changing room" which is essentially a larger bathroom with a stool and mirror, but it didn't lock. How absurd is that? So I didn't change. The regular bathrooms are as small as plane bathrooms so that was a no go. Literally. I mostly didn't pee and I definitely didn't poo for the entire 3 days. This was partly because I didn't eat except when Randall gave me pity food because I was poor, and mostly because it was too inconvenient to go to the bathroom with a baby. So I didn't. My body is good at taking orders from me and doing as its told.

So. Onto the travels:
Disneyworld is fun, but Disneyland is better...except for the Candy Mountain ride, which Disneyland lacks. Step up, LA.

NY was fun and then funner once Justin took me to the fun parts of it and then less fun once I was alone and had to take my baby to a bar. No joke.

Getting home was the best part, minus the walk home at the end, because I was tired.

I feel the parts with Adam and that whole business deserve a post of their own, because it's too much to put into this one. Plus a lot happened.

I know I breezed over a lot, like the bits about me getting stranded and homelessed, but for now I need a shower and then I need to bathe my baby and by then it will probably be tomorrow.

Alas, I am returned. We can hang out.

Omg flying right effing now!!!!!!!!!! Delta and my iPod let me Internet up here. No hijakers apparent yet but captain did let me sit in the cockpit seat. Crying buckets gets you places. James is sound asleep.

I fly soon. In 48 hours, I will be in Atlanta. I WILL be in Atlanta. Or, if I'm having a streak of bad luck, stuck in a holding pattern above Atlanta. It is the busiest airport in the world. I'm flying right into the heart of the most planes in one area ever, and I'll probably be hungover by then.

I flew three times in 2007, and despite my paranoia I survived all 3 flights. Not to mention I've flown to Europe at least twice, but I think 3 times, maybe more. Never died. I'm cool with planes. Planes are cool.

I am so excited to see the father of my child again. I can't wait for him to see James.

So. 48 hours. Then the illusion of safety will be returned to me. In the meantime I'll continue my quiet freak out. At least I didn't flee by train but i SERIOUSLY considered it.

This is a pointless entry... weird. Maybe I should have used twitter instead. I could have said:

"Will travel. Need drugs."